Whiffer Staff Answers YOUR Writing Questions

Q: What’s the best way to get inspired? 

A: Great question! We recommend reconnecting with nature. Spend some time in the forest and you’ll be surprised by what you hear. The singing voices of nature can sometimes sound an awful lot like three witches prophesying your ascendance to the Scottish throne.

Q: How do I know if I’m doing it right? 

A: You’re probably not. If you haven’t begun to rip bite-size chunks out of your carpet with your teeth while going positively insane, you might need to reconsider your strategy. Remember your positive affirmations: I deserve to be here. None of woman born shall harm me. I shall not be vanquished until great Birnam wood marches to Dunsinane. 

Q: Who are you people? Are you even qualified to be saying any of this? 

A: Geez, what a rude inquiry! Of course we are qualified; we know how to use semicolons. One of us even got an A on an essay once. Clearly, you’re asking this question from a place of extreme insecurity. Have you put rancors in the vessel of your peace? You seem to be becoming increasingly paranoid that your various misdeeds will be uncovered. 

Q: Are those trees moving? 

A: Don’t worry about it.