Procrastination Team Announces Plans To Twiddle Thumbs & Think About It Some More

At 11:59 PM last Sunday, Crystal’s procrastination team announced bold plans to twiddle their thumbs and think about that English paper some more. 

The paper, which is due three weeks from now, is scheduled to be written the night before its final deadline. Despite its status as the single most important assessment of the year, this essay will be no match for our academy’s finest procrastinators, who have already begun stockpiling mango-peach Bang! Energy drinks. Their grand plans include avoiding all English teachers, not doing assigned reading, and getting unimaginably wired on 600mg of caffeine. If the team pulls this one off, it’ll be “totally litty duuuuude!”.

Some onlookers have expressed concern for the procrastinators, citing “scientific” papers that warn against last-minute cramming. However, “science” is no match for this team’s unshakeable resolve. The team’s leader has denounced all criticism, saying, “the haters are just worrying too much about the future. You gotta live in the moment, man. How else would I have gotten this far?” Interestingly, he uttered this sentence in between tears about his math grade; apparently, not turning in homework all semester is simply part of a larger plan. Another team member claimed to feel no reservations about his time management skills: “it always gets done eventually. This essay’s a problem for later me. How else would I find the time to online game during class?”

At press time, the team is working on combining their thumb twiddling with foot shuffling to create an ultra-effective procrastinatory combination.