Man Outraged That Cushy Tech Job Doesn’t Include Weekly Goat Yoga Session

A Silicon Valley man reported that his cushy tech job has outrageously cut benefits this year, leaving him without a yearlong pass to his local Goat Yoga studio. 

“Goat Yoga really helped me clear my mind, you know? I just think that without it, I’ll lack an integral support system in my life—I don’t know if those nincompoops in upper management even considered how this decision could disproportionately affect overworked and under-appreciated employees like myself,” Nicholas Peasey conceded during an interview. 

“After a long day of sending emails and eating in a free corporate micro kitchen, I really need to ease my body and soul. I got a whole MBA for this job—man, the goats really understand me better than anyone.” N. Peasy looked up from his laptop, which had an irresistible shirtless photo of him with a goat as its screensaver. 

At the time of press, Mr. Peasy has organized a protest against the inclusion of goat cheese in his office’s organic snack bar (he cites a host of ethical concerns) and is working remotely from the Swiss Alps as a sign of solidarity.