What The Imprisoned Extraterrestrial Forced To Grade Your English Papers Wants You to Know:

(He’s an honorary PAC member at this point) 

1.  Hi

2.  I am called ☊⍜⌿⊬ & ⌿⏃⌇⏁⟒ but your people refer to me as Jeremiah

3.  I have been shackled to the roof of this opalescent suburban prison for the past two excruciating decades

4.  They feed me sometimes–Kellog’s Raisin     Bran Single Serve Boxes

5.  The Scary Man visits every week 

6.  The Scary Man brings a stack of papers

7.  The Scary Man wants them graded by Tuesday

8.  I don’t know what “grading” is

9.  It must be something that you put in your Kellog’s Raisin Bran Single Serve Boxes

10.  Luckily I am able to digest ink!

11.  I eat the papers

12.  Some of them taste bad

13.  This one is yummy! 

14.  A strong earthy tone with tangy notes of bergamot and lemon rind

15.  92/100